NOTE: I have explained how I have arrived at this point in my journey. If you have not read each segment in order, please do so before reading this post as this will afford you the best possible perspective on what I am about to share with you.
This is the sixth (and final) in a series of steps I took in my spiritual journey. I pray you gain tremendous insight into the spirit realm as I take you through the years on the journey that would end with this conclusion.
I have arrived at the place I had most sincerely hoped to have not arrived — the Bible. Here I am staring at the hardbound, leather cover of “The Holy Bible” as I take note of the gold print and the texture of the leather as the fluorescent library lighting reflects into my slowly closing eyes. Seated on this military-grade wooden chair, I shift a little and try to get comfortable as I soak in the finality of what I am about to discover. I might have rubbed my forehead and scratched my chin.
I reach out my hand to lift the cover and pages in an act of what I call “Bibliomancy.”* As I dug my fingers into the pages and flipped open to who knows where, the Bible opened before me in a way I had never done, yet I felt I hadn’t done something the right way, so I closed it back up.
I had been hoping this God who spoke to me clearly and saved my life twice (to this point in my life) was the Jewish God and not the Christian God that was preached in the church I grew up in. I reconsidered the weight of the moment for another long, drawn out foot-dragging moment then wondered, ‘Where should I begin?’
Why not start at the beginning? I took a breath and flipped the cover and several pages of extra-literary information and found myself at Genesis chapter one.
Now, you know what a bumpy journey this had been. Little did I know what sort of journey it really was — a wild goose chase. God wanted me to find Him on my own, yet I came to realize the fact of the matter — He was waiting for me to arrive at this point for ages since He spoke everything into being. Way before He breathed life into Adam’s nostrils, He foresaw this moment, an intersection of natural and supernatural, of life and death … of sin and redemption at a large wooden table on the first floor of the downtown Zanesville, Ohio library. The same library that stands on the property that once was grandly occupied by the local junior high school. The one I attended (John Hancock Junior High School) had to be torn down so this library could be built … He saw it all before one of my days came to be.
I started to read Genesis 1:1, “In the beginning, God …” I stopped reading and said, “There you are.” He surprised me by reading along with me. I heard His voice — the same, exact voice I heard when I heard Him speak to me the first time. Theophany! This was certainly GOD — the God of the Bible. The one, true God of all Creation. No more wondering. No need to search any longer. I found Him … or was it He waited for me to find Him like a dad playing hide-and-seek with a young child?
What sort of God does this type of thing? How can this be the One who made my life as a child a living Hell? Now He wants to get personal? This doesn’t make sense to me. What have I been taught? How have I been deceived?
A couple of days after one of my Near-Death Miracles, I once made a vow to God in my bedroom,
“Since You saved my life, I’ll live the rest of my life for You.”
Ugh. Now what do I do? I’m so confused. I have to honor that vow. So Buttercup sucked it up and got on with it, right?
Wrong. I wasn’t done sinning yet. I needed a way to buy some time before I came to a point where I would be willing to follow through on my vow. I had a lot of pain from the past that I believed (wrongly) that wasn’t going away any time soon and I was very confused and angry with God for the crappy life I had (even though He had nothing to do with it).
I had an idea. I was going to figure out if He was the God of the Old Testament or the God of the New. (Yes, that’s desperate, but I was desperate.)
Along the way, as it became more and more evident that the New Testament was the fulfillment of the Old, I decided to search the Scriptures and see if there were any of those “contradictions” people warned me about, so I bought myself a One-Year Bible and started the following January 1. (I encourage everybody to read through the Bible at least once.+)
Long story short, I became engrossed in the Bible and even though I found some “contradiction” claims had some merit, the claims had nothing to do with Scripture not lining up with itself, but where the original language was not always translated in the best way possible. Even today, as a pastor who daily teaches the Word, I come across regular places in Scripture where this happens and I discuss this with my viewers and we conclude that some translations give a passage its due while others fail to do so.^
There simply isn’t one translation that nails it perfectly. Translators are human beings disseminating the Word of God. They are a group of Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek and history scholars pushing and pulling on word-and-phrase translation as they see fit based on their personal educational perspectives as they go. Kinda’ like what we do with life.
The Bible kept lining up, but not simply lining up, I found the more I read, the more the Grand Narrative of the problem of sin, God’s redemptive plan for mankind, and the universe became starkly real and tangible. It became overtly apparent that, with each OT passage, and how the characters all contributed to an overall glimpse into the nature of the Messiah, Jesus was truly the Redeemer of Mankind. Lives revealed in the pages of the Bible overlap and carry spiritual meanings we will always miss unless we know and understand how the Word is a divine mirror with which to see our true selves, which is why it is the most scrutinized book on the planet. The Bible does not fall apart under scrutiny, but it stands up under any manner of genuine literary or critical archaeological observation. That said, we require a Helper (Holy Spirit) to truly learn the Word and make it come alive for us. (If you are unsaved by the Blood of Jesus, aka ‘dead in your sins,’ it can be no wonder why the Word does not come alive for you.)
As I continued to read the Word, I constantly discovered how the Bible was mostly not taught very well and that there were many misunderstandings and real-life situations that should be taught that just simply are not — maybe out of fear that people will get freaked out and leave the church? Church is not meant to be a codependent co-op of pew seat warmers or led by wimps preaching “Feel-Good” messages.
It’s meant to be a place where people of all walks of life can learn how to love and forget how to hate while trying to see eye to eye. As I studied the Word, the broken-and-I-can’t-get-up churches around the country were looking more and more like the real reason I didn’t want anything to do with God.
All of a sudden, prejudices were made obvious as He enlightened me to more - and greater - revelations. Eventually, I concluded that, yes, Jesus is the Jewish Messiah because of the sheer multitude of Scripture that points to His life, death, and resurrection that it was impossible for me to miss. As for those who do not see the truth even when it is right in front of them? It’s very difficult to see when “the god of this age has blinded the minds of the unbeliever.”
So, you might wonder … ‘Is that when you finally got right with God?’
No. That was the moment when I started running the most. Why? Because I still had questions to which nobody I knew had answers. (I would learn all about the oath, meal, and blood covenants in ministry school.)
CONCLUSION
One thing I have found in my life regarding church, church attenders, preachers, leaders, hypocrites of all walks of life, and even legitimately reborn Christians is this: NEVER, EVER draw from mankind what must be your own relationship with God. We all have access to Him and He will listen to us even when we are in the worst of situations and have been in deliberate willful rebellion against Him. He will respond to us when we truly seek Him.
People will always fail us just as we have failed others. It’s life. Humanity is just not a good example of God and His character. He transcends all life as He lives in Heaven and is not subject to his Creation. If you have a question, ask God and give Him ample opportunity to respond to you as you wait on Him and praise Him as you go. He deserves it all!
Prayer
Holy Father in Heaven, You do not wish for anyone to live and die without a relationship with You. I thank You so very much for the budding relationship we have. I deeply appreciate the fact that You have provided for my repentance far before I ever thought to repent. You know my every single thought and action and love me anyway. Thank You for the correction that is intended to draw me ever closer to You as a Covenant partner. As Pastor Michael has written, I choose, today, to remain close to You even when I think I don’t deserve to. I acknowledge that in and of myself, I am an unclean thing, but in Jesus, I am made righteous by His blood. I ask You, Father, to bless me with an ability to hear You clearly and with a fresh anointing of Your Holy Spirit so I will have the clarity of mind to read Your Word and understand what I am reading. Draw me to come near to You daily into a deeper and deeper faith in You. Lead me into all truth and I pray You are glorified in all I do. In Jesus’ name, amen.
*Bibliomancy is that act of the human will that somehow has determined that by opening the Bible at random, we will find just what we need for the time and situation. Sometimes, God miraculously and providentially responds, but what of the times when God decides not to respond? This ‘maybe, maybe not’ scenario can be funny to even very dangerous depending on how the person responds to what they read. A person might open up to a passage of goodness, grace, and mercy while another flips it open to a very difficult and negative, even depressing, part of Scripture. If you still wish to commit “Bibliomancy,” please pray before you do. (My 2 cents.)
+If people can read novels, they can read the Bible.
^ The Mark Twain quote is, “The difference between the almost right word & the right word is really a large matter--it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
Banner photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash