One of the hallmarks of depression is the loss of what some call “psychic energy". If you don’t already understand what we mean by that term, it is the feeling that you don’t have what it takes to complete general tasks one might breeze through in an average day - the idea of self empowerment that aligns with self-confidence. (I talk about ‘giving up your power’ in a couple other articles and how it’s of utmost importance to preserve your power to maintain a healthy sense of self.) But let’s continue.
Once I hit the skids, there was something other than psychic energy and my appetite that disappeared — my creativity. I am an artist and there were many days where I desperately needed a way to express myself in all the anger, frustration, and anguish of soul, especially when that crushing feeling came onto me*. I needed a creative outlet to get those rotten apples out of my mind and I was at a loss for words, as well because as you can read, I am also a writer. You might ask, “Pastor Michael, why didn’t you just eliminate these rotten apples before the crap even got close to the fan?” Well, I actually did try. I went on an artistic rampage the world has seldom seen.
My days were consumed by writing when I had the next scene for my novel, by painting when I had a clear vision, and pornography when I had neither. I was an addict and I tried to vent by working out, drinking excessive amounts of caffeine, and throwing chairs in fits of rage. And this was years after quitting drugs and alcohol, mind you. (The pain and memories don’t just vanish. You have to hand them over to Jesus so He can heal you.)
I was a distortion of who God made me to be and I was not about to cave into God’s request that I come to Him for healing. I had far too much blame for God in my heart to make room for Him — or anybody, in that case. I couldn’t trust anybody, let alone my Maker. In other words, I was a rotten apple.
I was holding onto the illusion of control with tooth and nail for as long as I could and I was determined that nothing would cause me to fail. I was not about to become a pastor! No way, no how! NEVER! Then came the shut down. Some people call it exhaustion. I called it what it was — a nervous breakdown. I came to the end of myself and to my senses just like the prodigal son. I never realized I was living in a spiritual pig sty all these years.
So, here we are. How exactly does one regain the lost creativity? I lost my appetite and got it back far sooner than I got my creativity back. You see, we have to allow ourselves the freedom to live as we ought — to honor God with our lives. You might have noticed how it becomes more and more clear as time goes by, that the more we do for God and others, the more we find we remain in a place of peace and strength — the creative center of our soul.
Photo by Tetiana SHYSHKINA on Unsplash
We must allow ourselves to use our creativity again. You have to give yourself permission. You are a creative force in the world. God has given us the power to create with our tongues as well as with all we are. It is of utmost importance to remian centered in God and not in the materialism and activism of the world’s system. The world’s system seeks to ultimately strip each of us of our identity in Jesus, so we must keep our eyes on Jesus and allow Him to steer our ship.
We are like a musical instrument in the hands of God. Father God has raised us up in Jesus to perform an awesome symphony of Heavenly music in our hearts as we worship Him. God blesses us, we praise Him. He grants us a miracle, we worship Him. It is meant to be an everlasting, intimate song and dance where we and God blend together so desperately, so beautifully, so gloriously, that we more than intertwine, we mesh — and even more than mesh, we consummate. Conception requires consummation of two lovers and what is born is the sum total of the two parents.
“If it’s a dream, it’s still like steam.
If it’s a goal, it’s still in your soul.
Once it’s a reality, it’s now in your personality. ”
Creativity is power. God, the most powerful entity in all existence, also happens to be the most creative Person there is. The driving force behind creativity is inspiration. Allowing yourself the freedom to create is power in itself. Many people are actually afraid of their creative power, so they stifle it. Let yourself go! Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. We all make mistakes, it’s just that not everybody learns from them.
You’ve heard the quote, “The pen is mightier than the sword,” but nothing is more powerful than love. The love of God is the most inspirational place to remain. Whether you get cold chills or the ‘warm ‘n’ fuzzies,’ this is the presence of God and He’s presenting Himself to you for your thoughtful consideration. Reach out to Him in love right now. He’s waiting.
Prayer
Father God, You are an awesomely creative Person. You made me in Your image and have never stopped creating. The Universe displays Your glory and I ask that You would help me see You throughout it, including me. Help me live this life to the fullest. I have held myself back and have been resisting the risks creativity requires of me. I accept my weaknesses and shortcomings and decide, right now, to express myself anyway because that’s what you want for me. I ask that You would recharge me with the energy and passion to live for You. Restart my heart of compassion for everyone in my life, including me. Let me pick up my instruments of creativity and find You working in me and through me each and every time.
Thank You, Lord, for Your loving grace that keeps me going toward You. Even when I might not feel like I’m able to do much, it is You who is sustaining me through the tough times and I confess that famous statement over my life, “When the going gets tough, I get going.”
In Jesus’ awesome name, amen.
*That crushing feeling is actually an actual evil spirit, a spirit of heaviness, literally pushing you down or “depressing” you. It is critical you get that spirit off you and you will notice in the Bible verse that it is the garment of praise that you must exchange before the Lord in prayer. Bind it and cast it out in Jesus’ name and declare the Blood of Jesus. (Note: You might be required to fast for 40 days to get it off. That’s what I had to do.)