If a complete stranger came up to you and acted like they’ve known you for years and then asked you to buy them a Mercedes Benz ‘cause their friends all drive Porsches and they must make amends’, how would you take that? That’s how millions of people around the world talk to God. They don’t talk with God, they talk at Him as if they were on stage doing the late show monologue and He was in the audience watching the performance expecting that, if they pleased Him, they might get that Mercedes Benz … or whatever they have set their hearts on. Adam and Eve couldn’t get that elusive forbidden fruit from God, so they tried to make a deal with the devil and we see how that worked out.
“6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”
The greatest blessing is knowing God. God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek HIM, not stuff. God typically views possessions as not rewards for doing a good job, as if we were on a spiff/kickback commission system, but He sees possessions as a means to help us help others get to have a relationship with Him, as well. He wants to bless us to be a blessing to others.
However, in converse, the greatest unreal expectation a human being can have is expecting to please God without actually having a relationship with Him. We call that nonsense “religion.”
There was a time when I was really trying to do my best, though I was still defying God’s call on my life*, and I felt that God wanted me to give my bee sting testimony at the church I was attending. I actually thought it was a good idea and followed up with it by talking to the lead pastor and even his associate pastor, telling the whole story to the associate. The reaction to the testimony was what I had gotten used to seeing, so I thought, good, we’re going in the right direction. Plus, if this works out, I might, might be willing to do some sort of ministry work. Might.
A few weeks later, I had a meeting with said lead pastor and he and I did not agree on a particular perspective I espoused — the notion of having me give my testimony during a church service — it was his idea, by the way. There were other people who were giving their testimonies on Sundays and this native was getting restless, so I asked if I could talk to him sometime that week. When we did, sparks flew. I simply wondered why he would say he wanted me to give my testimony and then renege on the offer. Just don’t make the offer in the first place if you’re not going to honor your word. Especially when you’re a pastor.
As we got into the nuts and bolts of the matter, this pastor said something that would reverberate in my soul until this day, “You have unreal expectations.” Now, there are things that you should say, things that can build up a person, but this was not one of them. Needless to say, I was insulted and the discussion, not that it was enlightening at all, went quickly downhill until the point where this pastor, this man appointed by God Himself to shepherd His flock, was now injuring his sheep. And, as if that statement was not arrogant and insulting enough, he told me to come with him, I followed, and he proceeded to open the stairwell doors to the back door and told me to ‘have a good day.’ I was under the impression something would follow, like him, but he actually led me to the stairwell and dismissed me as if I was the FedEx guy.
“Unreal expectations.”
I’m standing in the stairwell wondering what just happened. On the third step down, confused, insulted, and disappointed in this pastor in a way I had become used to because there had been a soft parade of many pastors throughout my life who were just like him.
“Unreal expectations.”
As I walked down the stairwell, my head continued to spin.
“Unreal expectations.”
I left the building and vowed to never step foot in that place ever again. I hesitated to call it a church.
The funny part is, I did. (If you’re truly walking with Jesus, you will probably yourself doing things you had promised you never would.) What happened? After my nervous breakdown, I was willing to do WHATEVER God asked of me — including go back to that church and APOLOGIZE to that same pastor when God asked me to. I argued with God and made it abundantly clear that I wanted nothing to do with that place, but as if He wasn’t even listening, He insisted that I just do it. I complained in anger that it was he who hurt me, not me hurting him. Sigh.
Are you ready for this? I didn’t apologize once. I apologized to the pastor twice. Yes, the Lord asked me to give this pastor two totally separate opportunities to apologize to me for the way he treated me. Did you catch that? God was utilizing me in humility to reach this pastor who needed to be humbled.
Did he? No. I guess I had unreal expectations after all. But that wasn’t even the point! We all have our issues and we have to bring them to Jesus for healing so we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
Thankfully, God does not have unreal expectations for us. He never asks of us things He knows we cannot do. He will always prepare us to accomplish what He has created us to accomplish. There are times in our lives when we think we just can’t go on because the pain of our soul wounds is just too harsh and the people in our lives are not being loving enough. We might struggle to find purpose and meaning in purposeless and meaningless things—talk about unreal expectations! Why keep fighting if there is seemingly no chance at victory? Because the Lord says to fight!
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments”
Never give up because one day you might just wake up and realize your expectations weren’t unreal, but the expectations of others were, and that your faith in God was fully justified.
One more thing: having unreal expectations of God and others can lead us into some dark places, especially when these expectations aren’t met. We were never to expect another person to “complete” us as if we were hardware counterparts like a nut and a bolt. Jesus alone is the One who can, and will, complete us because He is our spiritual Counterpart.
But back to the Mercedes-Benz notion, God promises to give us everything we need for life and godliness. He makes no promise to any specific type of blessing, but that we will be equipped to do every good work so His will can be accomplished in and through us. Let’s think of His blessings in this way: if He wants you to reach wealthy people, then He has to equip you to reach them. If He has called you to reach people in a factory, you will need that job. And on and on. No unreal expectations, just a solid knowing that He will take care of you so you can take care of others.
Now that’s encouraging!
Prayer
Father God, I admit I’ve had some unreal expectations of You, others, and myself. I’ve thought things should somehow always work out for me and they sometimes have not simply because I had not done what You asked me to do. How can I expect You to uphold your end of the covenant when I have not upheld my part?
I recognize that when others fail to honor me, that does not mean I must dishonor them. Please help me to be the representative of Heaven You have called me to be. I apologize, Lord, for those times I have put myself ahead of You in order of importance and I choose, today, to make everything right from my side of things. Help me to do what You’ve called me to do whenever You ask. Help me to rest in You so I have learned the secret to be content in every situation. Whatever it is that stands in the way of a deeper relationship with You, please help me get rid of it ASAP. Lead the way, my Lord! In Jesus’ name I pray, amen!
* Isn’t that a good one? Trying to maintain a semblance of a relationship without actually doing what He asked me to do!
Banner photo by Michael D Beckwith on Unsplash