Relationships

Positioning Yourself for Healthy Relationships

People from time immemorial have asked this question: what is life all about? I prayed about that and He told me, "Life is all about relationships."

Do you have a pet? Is that pet a "people person" as some might say? We have three cats in our house with three very different personalities. Our female, Aubrey, was a stray we adopted through a pet store while our boys, Oreo and Sammy, were given us by close relatives. Oreo was the runt of the litter. Sammy is a big cat of 14 pounds, but shy and sensitive. Aubrey weighs 7 pounds soaking wet, but will attack animals larger than herself -- she is a fighter at the core. She is a tough chick and takes no crap. However, that affects the potential intimacy of her relationships with everyone else in the house. She gets along with Sammy because he's gentle, but Aubrey and Oreo DO NOT get along at all. It's not a love-hate-love relationship, it's a 'let's agree to hate each other' relationship that started when she body-slammed him when he was a 6-week-old gatito. Animals don't manage relationships like God would have humans do. Animals rely on instincts, we must learn to rely on the wisdom, understanding, and discernment God gives us through His Holy Spirit.

You may have heard the adage, "You don't choose a pet, it chooses you." Animals have free will, just like humans. There is no more gift of true, enduring love than to allow others the freedom to choose how they will live their lives and choose whom they will or will not love. There is no compulsion in love. God's agape love (perfect, covenant love of graceful acceptance and patience toward a person in relationship with Jesus) is lavished on Christians, yet so many do not fully accept His love or His presence in their lives. Why should that be? God sent His Holy Spirit to be with us to help us accomplish what He has asked us to accomplish. (It would be silly to ask your children to do something you have not given them the ability to do, right?)

I resisted God's advances over the years as I knew He wanted me to be a pastor, but I wanted nothing to do with working for ingrates and hypocrites. Being a child of God means being a servant to all. (Not 'of' all, but 'to' all. That's a very big difference!) It means taking a position with humanity that, sometimes, requires us to get our hands dirty, but also it offers the privilege of watching people grow in the Lord and transforming through the power of His love. I didn't think so much about any possible joys because I simply saw humanity as generally unworthy of love or forgiveness. Fortunately, God has transformed my heart so I see people for who they are, not just through broken glasses of my own pain and resentments. You see, if you view people as scumbags and vermin, you will one day realize you are one of "them."

If you find yourself distancing yourself from others, you must take a closer look at the root cause of that shy, "introverted" behavior. Popular psychology would have us believe the nonsense that shyness/introversion is healthy behavior. It really isn't. Shyness/introversion, like depression, don't exist in heaven, either. There is no reason whatsoever to be withdrawn in Heaven where you will be fully loved and accepted by everybody and your differences will be celebrated instead of treated with prejudice, contempt, and violence.

I used to be terribly shy and introverted. I was also abused and withdrawn so I didn't allow myself to remain vulnerable to peoples' desires to harm me. However, if you choose to live in contempt of others, how will you escape the prison cell of judgment yourself? You must trust some people. You must start trusting people now. Whether you like it or not, you must. Choose to let somebody really get to know you today. Reach out to somebody and make a time for the two of you to simply get to know one another. No agenda but to simply spend quality time getting to know somebody better. Your prayer time should be much like that. Getting to know God as not just your Savior, but as your Deliverer, your Healer, your Provider, and your Defender. Position yourself at God's feet, as we say, in an intimate place in your spirit where you have no agenda but to get to know Him better.

One of Oreo's nicknames is "The U.L.C." which translates to: the ultimate lap cat. He absolutely adores spending time with Melissa and consistently positions himself to be in the same room as her just in case she would decide to give him some attention or, his favorite thing: to spend some time on her lap. Just like Melissa and Oreo in the picture, spend time with God and others in ways that may be uncomfortable at the time, but you will get stronger with each new experience. I used to get major panic attacks from just dong this, but it got me small breakthroughs day by day. Position yourself for healthy relationships by remaining with others even when there may be conflict and help them see where you're coming from and do not relent until you can understand each other's point of view. You might be the difference make for sombody's day and you can not imagine how listening to someone else's point of view can sometimes be the golden nugget of wisdom God sent you through that person. Life is all about relationships, you know.


Prayer

Lord God Almighty, You have called me to love my neighbor as myself and, I confess, I have not done such a good job of that. Heck, I have barely loved myself, let alone others. I ask that You would help me not to focus on my past hurts, but to simply release them one and all, into Your mighty hands. Help me be the loving gracious person Jesus is and help me to trust people knowing they might wind up harming me one day anyway. Strengthen me where I am weak and empower me to live in the way You have called me to live. I call out my destiny as a loving, gracious child of Yours and I declare in the name and blood of Jesus, that I am a genuine and caring person. I am a (man/woman) of valor and I will overcome depression, anxiety, fear, and powerlessness by Your power, Your joy, Your peace, and Your love. In Jesus' holy name I pray, amen.