What is failure, anyway? As I look back on my life, there are several times when I failed to live up to my expectations of myself: I missed the first field goal tryout attempt in High School football*, got an 'F' on a college writing assignment*, tried to get a novel published and could not*, and on and on. I've spent many, many hours and days and months and had many, many ideas of how my life should turn out, but the vast majority of them have failed.
The last failure was the one that broke this workhorse's back.
"How much failure can one person handle?!" you may have wondered. I certainly did! I felt 'tore up from the floor up' and was so despondent I wondered if I would ever have any purpose at all. Slowly, I wasted away as the despondency became full-blown, severe depression. Over the next few months, I lost over 10% of my body weight and grew ever-increasingly aware of my deficiencies and failures. Winter hit and darkness seemed to pervade all my thoughts just like it did the daytime. I was covered with a dark cloud that felt more like a shadowy person following me doing things to my mind. You see, I was beating myself up for failing so very much. And so were three demons -- guilt, shame, and suicide.
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
We clearly see throughout the world that God's will is NOT always done. Just read/watch the news. So, what does that second stanza of Proverbs 19:21 actually mean? I think a better translation might read, "but Yahweh's plans and purposes for us are the best."
When we doubt God's purposes for us are the best, we will try and make our own way in the world and, eventually, discover our ways are not the best. We can build our own kingdom for only so long until someone comes along and kicks down that sandcastle. Our plans can only do so well and go so far as our personal abilities to create, manage, build, and defend allow.
Just look back on world history for a moment: how many kingdoms have been established through courageous rebellion against forces of tyranny with much sacrificing of many lives, they gained their freedom, developed a society they though would last, got into some sort of civil unrest, and even before another kingdom could destroy and take over, they had already been undone from the inside by discord because of disagreement over WHAT and HOW things should be done. How many of those kingdoms/nations still exist to this day?
When God's will is done, great things happen. When God's rules are broken, there are consequences. Why? Because mankind is in a Meal Covenant with Satan and, when we transgress God's Royal Laws of Love, we by default, serve Satan, giving him the legal right to attack us and to steal, kill, and destroy us.
“What is done for eternity will last for eternity.
Everything else will fade away in due time.”
The greatest failure anyone could ever make is rejecting Jesus as their Lord and Savior. If you have not done that, then you can be assured you have another chance to make things right. No more trying to establish your own kingdom because God wants His Kingdom to come to Earth and for life to be lived here as it is in heaven. He said He wanted to live among His people* and Jesus' life, death, and resurrection gives Him the legal right to do so ... we just need to agree with Him that His plans and purposes are better than ours. Do you agree? Then let's get going in the right direction!
You see, all those things I failed at throughout my life? They all happened because I was not willing to follow God's plans/will for my life. I did NOT want to be a pastor. Once I agreed with His will for my life, my life immediately took a turn for the best. Yours can, too!
Stop beating yourself up and ask God to help you tear down any and all remaining parts of your kingdom and completely surrender to His will so you can be a part of the solution to mankind's problems: getting God's Kingdom from Heaven to Earth! God will turn around all your failures for the good. Just you watch and see!
I promise you ... the BEST is yet to come!
Prayer
Our Lord God, I'm sick and tired of failure. I'm sick and tired of seeing myself as a failure. You didn't make me to be a failure. I acknowledge that I've made many mistakes and bad decisions over how my life should be lived and I come before You today in repentance and ask that You would lead me in the Way everlasting by You Holy Spirit. I want to be a living testimony of Your goodness, grace, and power. Light me on fire and may everything in this world be brought under Your direction and glory. Help me to love myself as You love me so I can love others the way You want me to. Take my hand and lead me out of this pig sty of depression so I can do what You have called me to do, my Lord. In Jesus' holy name I pray, amen.
*1 I desperately wanted to be a pro football player. (Sigh) Many years later, Holy Spirit gave me a vision about that moment. The Holder pushed his finger down hard on the ball, causing my kick to fly upward and with a great backspin as I meant, but not with the distance I intended. The Holder's best friend? You guessed it -- our regular kicker. And this was after countless practice, by myself, for months leading up to the tryout.
*2 Along with the majority of students in my class. Our professor did not explain the assignment well. I was an English Minor and, as you can read, am pretty decent with writing. :)
*3 This happened even though I had an agent and had been counseled by a retired movie producer to write a novel about my screenplay. Oh, yeah, I also wrote two screenplays that didn't work out, as well.
*4 One of God's nicknames is Emmanuel (God with us), after all.
Thanks to jeshoots.com for the use of the photo!